Coaching practices for How to Evaluate Child Solutions

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My kid and I agree on a fix and it sounds great in the moment, but a few days later it’s fallen apart again
  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • The storm has finally passed and my kid is calm again, and I keep wanting to either just move on or fix the situation for them
  • I’ve got a few options on the table but I keep drifting toward whichever one scares me least instead of whichever would actually fix things
  • I keep trying to reason with my kid right in the middle of the meltdown

Practices that may help

  1. Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
    A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  2. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  3. Problem-solve together once the child is calm
    After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  4. Evaluate solutions against costs, benefits, and fit
    Rate each solution on likelihood of success, personal costs, and fit with your values.
    Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical
  5. Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
    Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
  6. Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
    Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
    Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  8. Generate Options — explore the full range of possibilities before committing
    Invite the person to generate as many options as possible before evaluating any of them.
    The GROW Model: Coaching Conversations That Actually Move People
  9. Define what success looks like together, before proposing solutions
    Agree on the criteria a good solution must meet before either side proposes anything.
    The Third Alternative, Made Practical
  10. Evaluate the outcome and adjust
    After implementing, honestly assess what worked, what didn’t, and what to do next.
    Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical

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