Put the person in the empty chair and speak to them
Imagine the person in a chair facing you and talk to them directly, in the present tense.
Why it works
Talking about someone keeps them at a distance; talking to them brings the relationship into the room. In the empty-chair task the person is invited to picture the other in the chair, notice how they look and what it is like to face them, and then speak directly ("You never..."), which tends to bring up the feelings themselves rather than a summary of them. In Emotion-Focused Therapy, that live feeling is what the rest of the work acts on.
How to do it
- Set two chairs facing each other. Sit in one and picture the person in the other: their face, posture, expression.
- Notice what happens in you as you look at them, and say it out loud to them, using "you" rather than "he" or "she".
- Keep speaking in the present tense, as if this is happening now.
- If you find yourself explaining to an imagined listener instead, gently turn back to the chair and address the person.
Evidence
This is the core intervention in two randomized trials. In Paivio and Greenberg (1995), 34 clients were randomly assigned to experiential therapy using empty-chair dialogue or to an education group about unfinished business; the therapy group made clinically meaningful gains and improved significantly more on all outcome measures, and the gains held at 4-month and 1-year follow-up. Greenberg, Warwar and Malcolm (2008) randomly assigned 46 clients with unresolved emotional injuries to empty-chair therapy or a psychoeducation group, with similar results. A 2026 systematic review of 22 randomized trials of chair work across therapies includes both. (rct)
Both trials tested a course of therapy with a trained therapist, compared with an education group rather than another active therapy. Neither tested a person doing the exercise alone. If facing the imagined person leaves you flooded or losing track of where you are, stop and do this with a therapist.
Sources
- Paivio, S. C., & Greenberg, L. S. (1995). Resolving "unfinished business": Efficacy of experiential therapy using empty-chair dialogue. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(3), 419-425.
- Greenberg, L. S., Warwar, S. H., & Malcolm, W. M. (2008). Differential effects of emotion-focused therapy and psychoeducation in facilitating forgiveness and letting go of emotional injuries. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(2), 185-196.
- Ottingerová, L., Halamová, J., & Szitás, D. (2026). Experiential therapies including Chairwork: A systematic review of randomized controlled trials. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1692630.
Common mistake
Narrating the story to the chair ("and then she always used to...") instead of speaking to the person. The shift from "she" to "you" is small on paper and large in what it brings up.
Practice this with IX Coach
More practices for The Empty Chair Technique: Finishing What Was Never Said
- Pause and come back to the room before going on
Stop the chair dialogue, open your eyes, and let your feet, breath and surroundings tell you that you are here, now.
- Stop doing this alone and reach a person
If the chair work leaves you flooded, unsafe, or with thoughts of not being here, reach a real person now.
- Notice the unfinished business
Recognise the relationship that still pulls at you, and name the feeling that never got resolved.
- Say what was never said, anger and hurt separately
Let the old complaint become specific, and give the anger and the sadness each their own voice.
- Name the need they never met
Tell the person in the chair what you needed from them and did not get.
- Switch chairs and answer as them
Sit in their chair, become them for a few minutes, and answer what you just said.
- Let go: by understanding, forgiving or holding them accountable
End the dialogue by releasing the unmet expectation, whether that comes with forgiveness or not.
- Say what was left unsaid to someone who has died
When grief is stuck on something unsaid, use the chair to finally say it to the person who died.
- Choose the gentler route when facing them is too much
Know when to stop confronting the imagined person and explore the memories with a listener instead.
Related concepts
- Shadow Work
Meeting the parts of yourself you have been ignoring
- Gestalt Therapy: Awareness, Ownership and Contact in the Here and Now
Noticing what you are doing right now, owning it in your own words, and finishing what keeps pulling at you
- Two-Chair Dialogue: Working With the Inner Critic and Other Inner Splits
Giving the critic and the criticized self each a chair, so the fight inside you becomes a conversation that can change
- Continuing Bonds in Grief, Made Practical
Maintaining an ongoing inner relationship with the deceased as a healthy part of grief
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