Separate People From the Problem Negotiation: 10 Evidence-Based Coaching Practices
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Separate People From the Problem Negotiation, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Practices that may help
- Separate the people from the problem
Be hard on the problem, soft on the people — attack the issue, not each other.
Getting to Yes: Principled Negotiation - Separate the people from the problem
Address relationship concerns and substantive issues in different registers — treating people well and the problem hard.
Principled Negotiation, Made Practical - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Acknowledge emotions explicitly in negotiation
Name what you see the other side feeling — it reduces defensive heat and keeps the substantive conversation workable.
Principled Negotiation, Made Practical - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Responding to conflict without escalation
In a conflict, address the problem without attacking the person.
Ahimsa: Non-Violence as a Daily Practice - Invent options for mutual gain
Brainstorm multiple possible deals before deciding, expanding the pie before splitting it.
Getting to Yes: Principled Negotiation - Logroll by trading issues of unequal importance
Concede on what matters less to you in exchange for gains on what matters more.
Expanding the Pie: Negotiation Beyond Splitting the Difference - Negotiate: know your minimum and be willing to give and take
Decide in advance what you are willing to accept short of your full ask, and be ready to offer something in exchange.
DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively - Reconnect emotionally before solving the issue
Restore the bond first; the problem is far easier to discuss from connection than from threat.
Rupture and Repair
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Every time I push on the actual issue it lands as a personal attack and we both get defensive
- Every time I push back on the terms it somehow turns into them feeling attacked, and then we’re fighting about us instead of the actual issue
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
- I can see the other person is getting heated and shut down, and the harder I push the facts the worse it gets
- Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
Related concerns
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation When Burned Out
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Getting To Yes Principled Negotiation When Overwhelmed
Getting to Yes (Fisher & Ury, of the Harvard Negotiation Project) argues for negotiating on the merits instead of haggling over positions: separate people from the problem, focus on underlying interests, invent options for mutual gain, and judge outcomes by objective criteria — with your BATNA as the source of real leverage. It’s an influential framework grounded in decision theory and negotiation experience rather than a lab-tested protocol.
- Interpersonal Negotiation
Decide in advance what you are willing to accept short of your full ask, and be ready to offer something in exchange.
Negotiate: know your minimum and be willing to give and take
- Person Vs Problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
Separate the person from the problem
- Principled Negotiation As A Caregiver
Principled negotiation, developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in Getting to Yes, replaces positional bargaining with a method built on four elements: separate the people from the problem, focus on interests rather than positions, generate options for mutual gain, and insist on objective criteria. It aims for agreements that are better for both parties than their alternatives — without requiring either to capitulate or play hardball.
- Principled Negotiation Definition
Principled negotiation, developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in Getting to Yes, replaces positional bargaining with a method built on four elements: separate the people from the problem, focus on interests rather than positions, generate options for mutual gain, and insist on objective criteria. It aims for agreements that are better for both parties than their alternatives — without requiring either to capitulate or play hardball.
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