Coaching pour les défis que les gens apportent vraiment (page 468)

Identify and track your critical numbers · Track lead and lag indicators · Identify and act on lead measures + 7 more

Trade across issues where each side has different priorities · Trade across differing priorities · Logroll by trading issues of unequal importance + 7 more

Turn toward bids for connection · Actively restore the ratio after a major rupture · Repair explicitly after each cycle episode + 7 more

Use Compromising — but know its hidden cost · Compromising (moderate on both) · Model synergy: ask "what would a solution have to look like to address both?" + 7 more

Probe for interests, not positions · Focus on interests, not positions · Focus on interests, not positions + 7 more

Habit 6: Synergize · Model synergy: ask "what would a solution have to look like to address both?" · Compromising (moderate on both) + 7 more

Identify compatible interests for joint gain · Find mutual purpose · Collaborating (assertive and cooperative) + 7 more

Invent options for mutual gain · Negotiate from abundance, not scarcity · Map interests for both sides before generating solutions + 7 more

Involve the affected community, not just the two parties · Have explicit trust conversations when trust is at stake · Own your share of the rupture + 7 more

Build and update love maps · Map your partner's current inner world · Ask genuine questions about your partner’s inner world + 7 more

Ask genuine questions about your partner’s inner world · Map your partner's current inner world · Developing genuine curiosity about your partner’s ideal self + 7 more

Making your investments visible to both partners · Have the legacy conversation · Invest meaning in shared symbols and objects + 7 more

Trade across differing priorities · Logroll by trading issues of unequal importance · Trade across issues where each side has different priorities + 7 more

Propose a post-settlement settlement to optimize an agreed deal · Use a post-settlement settlement to improve a deal after agreement · Share information to unlock value + 7 more

Run a weekly jar review to recalibrate categories · Hold a weekly accountability review · Do a weekly review every Friday afternoon + 7 more

Know your window of tolerance before practicing · Use TIPP to make other skills accessible again · Graduated anger inoculation (stress inoculation exposure) + 7 more

Meeting exiles (with care) · Distinguish protectors from exiles · Prepare the ground: get protectors on board first + 7 more

Distinguish protectors from exiles · Meeting exiles (with care) · Invite the release — do not force it + 7 more

IFS Parts Mapping, Made Practical · Distinguish protectors from exiles · Understanding protectors + 7 more

Engage in safe rough-and-tumble play · Know who should not practice kapalbhati · Arrange the environment to support Green Zone states + 7 more

Build a progressive difficulty ladder · Attempt before instruction · Shorten your PDSA cycles until feedback is near-daily + 7 more

Anchor each goal to a named, personal value · Orient toward mastery rather than performance comparison · Capture compelling reasons why + 7 more

Provide contingent support: more help when needed, less when not · Use special time to fill the connection cup before problems escalate · Problem-solve together once the child is calm + 7 more

Use absorbing activities to exit rumination · Using noting to interrupt rumination · Identify what triggers rumination and what it promises + 7 more

R — Recall the hurt · C — Commit publicly to the forgiveness you felt · E — Empathize with the offender + 7 more

Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation · Talk with your child about their day and interests · Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity + 7 more

Leading from behind — the servant leader stance · Identify your dominant leadership strengths — and lead from them · Distribute leadership rather than centralizing it + 7 more

The inner critic dialogue · Inquire into what the critic is protecting · Working With Your Inner Critic + 7 more

Reframing social comparison into shared gain · Practice the abundance reframe · Convert comparison to curiosity + 7 more

Shift attention outward during social situations · Create comparison-free time blocks · Moving from other-validation to self-validation + 7 more

Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule · Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation · Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity + 7 more

Claim worthiness now · Map your actual, ideal, and ought selves · Audit your comparison set + 7 more

Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs) · The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson) · Follow the child’s lead completely during special time + 7 more

Shift identity from self-concept to awareness itself · Prioritize direct experience over inherited belief · Practice loosening identification with the ego-self + 7 more

Maintain a high question-to-statement ratio throughout GROW · Obstacle anticipation before close · Powerful open questions at every stage + 7 more

Settling on purpose · Choose time over money on purpose · Build and work a target list of roles and organisations + 7 more

Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time · Remember and use people’s names · Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment + 7 more

Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk · Ahimsa toward the self: replacing self-attack with self-compassion · Developing the Compassionate Self Voice + 7 more

Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain · Fogging · Be Gentle: no attacks, threats, or expressions of contempt + 7 more

Obstacle anticipation before close · Generate Options before evaluating any · Clarify the Goal with precision + 7 more

Adapt to your manager’s communication style · Batch all reactive tasks into defined windows · Understand the constraints your manager operates under + 7 more

Find a community that recognises your specific loss · Speak or write to the person directly · Share the continuing bond in community + 7 more

Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate · Listen empathically and validate the feeling · Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play + 7 more

H — Hold on when the hurt comes back · Learn to recognize when a boundary is being crossed · Loving-kindness toward a difficult person + 7 more

Build and work a target list of roles and organisations · Bring a proposed solution when you bring a problem · Match the delegation level to the person’s current competence and confidence + 7 more

Send proactive, brief status updates · Adapt to your manager’s communication style · Bring a proposed solution when you bring a problem + 7 more

Send proactive, brief status updates · Bring a proposed solution when you bring a problem · Understand the constraints your manager operates under + 7 more

Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity · Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments · Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment + 7 more

Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment · Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments · Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity + 7 more

Engage generativity — the natural work of midlife and later seasons · Navigate season transitions — the gap is normal and necessary · Identifying the turning points that shaped you + 7 more

The Regret of the Dying · Task 3: Adjust to a world without the person · Create private rituals for losses that have no public ceremony + 7 more

Understand the constraints your manager operates under · Bring a proposed solution when you bring a problem · Send proactive, brief status updates + 7 more

Refuse to energize negative behavior · Deliver active recognition of ordinary positive moments · Focus on solutions, not blame + 7 more

Calibrate optimism to the stakes · Practice realistic optimism · Practice flexible optimism, not blind optimism + 7 more

Give performers choice within practice to support autonomy · Rewrite internal-focus coaching cues as external-focus equivalents · Maintain a high question-to-statement ratio throughout GROW + 7 more

Practice calibrated self-disclosure to allow genuine connection · Choose authentically — from your own values, not from expectation · Look for genuine benefits without forcing them + 7 more

Develop second-tier, systems-level thinking · Observe from multiple angles before drawing conclusions · Hold conflicting perspectives without collapsing + 7 more

Engage generativity — the natural work of midlife and later seasons · Navigate season transitions — the gap is normal and necessary · Write your generativity chapter + 7 more

Identify what triggers rumination and what it promises · Take the Free Observer stance · Pre-commit to a hard option limit + 7 more

Dedicate yourself to a cause beyond yourself · Practice wholehearted living · Audit whether you are living your life or someone else’s + 7 more

Expand your role through extra-role behavior · DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively · Map the value system of your organization or team + 7 more

Maintain a high question-to-statement ratio throughout GROW · Close with "What was most useful for you?" · Powerful open questions at every stage + 7 more

Expand your role through extra-role behavior · Build and work a target list of roles and organisations · Listen for what isn’t in the job description + 7 more

Meeting exiles (with care) · Distinguish protectors from exiles · Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical + 7 more

Build genuine self-efficacy to eliminate the motive · Apologies: stop apologizing for existing, wanting, or having limits · Take responsibility without the “but” + 7 more

Identifying and Targeting the Trauma Memory · Identify the three Ps in your explanation · Overgeneralization + 7 more

Physical touch · Use physical touch to reinforce emotional safety · Imagine the absence of a key relationship + 7 more

Add interoceptive rungs for bodily fear · Interoceptive exposure for physical anxiety sensations · Interoceptive awareness + 7 more

Interoceptive exposure for physical anxiety sensations · Add interoceptive rungs for bodily fear · Interoceptive awareness + 7 more

Develop second-tier, systems-level thinking · Arrange the environment to support Green Zone states · Teach that Green is the goal, not the only acceptable zone + 7 more

Use logical consequences that fit the behavior · Design logical consequences that are directly related to the behavior · Distinguish consequences from punishment before you intervene + 7 more

Understanding protectors · Use distraction deliberately as a short-term regulation tool · Stay with sensation without flooding (titrate) + 7 more

Update protectors after an unburdening · Distinguish protectors from exiles · IFS Parts Mapping, Made Practical + 7 more

Understanding protectors · Send proactive, brief status updates · Use the time to remove blockers + 7 more

Protect your Q1 response capacity · Navigate season transitions — the gap is normal and necessary · Run a quarterly life audit, not just an annual one + 7 more

Existentialism and Radical Choice · Anti-awfulizing: scale the badness honestly · Sit with the anxiety of freedom + 7 more

Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time · Provide warmth and structure simultaneously · Give age-appropriate autonomy within non-negotiable limits + 7 more

Identify your attachment pattern · Notice and soften avoidant deactivation · Understand the cycle you’re both in -- not just what your partner does + 7 more

Recognize and name existential vacuum when it appears · Engage generativity — the natural work of midlife and later seasons · Write your generativity chapter + 7 more

Treat every act as an offering — however mundane · Bring contemplative attention to ordinary moments · Seeing the eight factors as a mutually supporting system, not a checklist + 7 more

Cultivate authenticity · Apply strengths consciously in your most important relationships · Fix the inner state, not the outer mask + 7 more

Avoid level-jumping: build through each stage rather than skipping · Spiral Dynamics, Made Practical · Assess which life conditions are activating which levels + 7 more

Spiral Dynamics, Made Practical · Develop second-tier, systems-level thinking · Assess which life conditions are activating which levels + 7 more

Spiral Dynamics, Made Practical · Avoid level-jumping: build through each stage rather than skipping · Assess which life conditions are activating which levels + 7 more

Practice micro gratitude visits for smaller acknowledgments · Run a serial gratitude letter project · Schedule one gratitude visit per quarter + 7 more

Avoid level-jumping: build through each stage rather than skipping · Spiral Dynamics, Made Practical · Develop second-tier, systems-level thinking + 7 more

Keep the bedroom at 18–20°C for sleep · Cool the bedroom to 18–20°C (65–68°F) · Make the bedroom cool and dark + 7 more

Close the favor with specific, sincere gratitude · Practice receiving gratitude without deflecting · Send a meaningful thank-you note + 7 more

The integration letter to a disowned part · Shadow Work · The practice of self-acceptance + 7 more

Develop second-tier, systems-level thinking · Spiral Dynamics, Made Practical · Avoid level-jumping: build through each stage rather than skipping + 7 more

Listen for what isn’t in the job description · Choose time over money on purpose · Build and work a target list of roles and organisations + 7 more

Kegan’s Subject-Object Theory, Made Practical · Use a first-person kinesthetic perspective · The spatial zoom-out + 7 more

Inquire into what the critic is protecting · Name and externalize the inner critic · Identify your Self 1 interference in real time + 7 more

Protect your Q1 response capacity · Engage generativity — the natural work of midlife and later seasons · Deliberate mortality reflection + 7 more

Provide warmth and structure simultaneously · Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits · Arrange the environment to support Green Zone states + 7 more

Run a serial gratitude letter project · Count blessings weekly, not daily · Practice micro gratitude visits for smaller acknowledgments + 7 more

Hold limits calmly and consistently · Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits · Talk with your child about their day and interests + 7 more

Help the child label the emotion with words · Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate · Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively + 7 more

Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind · Make the subject-object move · Cultivate peak experiences deliberately + 7 more

Shadow Work · Examining the gap between persona and self · Tracking shadow material through the body + 7 more