Q and a for Couples: 10 Evidence-Based Coaching Practices

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Q and a for Couples, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Practices that may help

1. Cultivating complicity: shared secret aliveness
   Build a private world of in-jokes, gestures, and references that only you two share.
   Mating in Captivity: Sustaining Desire in Long-Term Relationships
2. Ask "How are we doing?" as a genuine question
   Invite both partners to rate and describe the overall relationship state this week.
   The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
3. Make bids for shared enjoyment, not just support
   Invite your partner to enjoy something together — playfulness and delight are also bids.
   Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience
4. Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities
   Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
5. Invest in shared social networks
   Spend time with people who affirm and are connected to both of you as a couple.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
6. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
7. Ask open-ended map-building questions
   Replace generic check-ins with questions that open a window into your partner's inner life.
   Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World
8. Turn toward bids for connection
   Respond to small, everyday bids for attention as if they matter — because they do.
   The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships
9. Build shared rituals that update your map
   Create recurring moments designed to share inner worlds, not just coordinate schedules.
   Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World
10. Schedule check-ins rather than relying on spontaneity
    Spontaneous "we should talk" conversations are almost always initiated by a problem, not prevention.
    The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• We used to have our own little language→
• My partner and I both have some quiet inner read on how close we actually feel lately, but neither of us ever says the number out loud→
• My partner and I have become roommates who just handle logistics→
• We’re comfortable and we still do plenty together, but it’s the same loop every week→
• My partner and I have drifted into totally separate social lives→

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.