Us vs the Problem: 10 Evidence-Based Coaching Practices
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Us vs the Problem, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Practices that may help
- Fight the problem, not each other
Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Climb the why–why ladder
Ask "why is this a problem?" repeatedly to reveal the higher-level goal your current framing may be missing.
Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Map who actually owns the problem
Identify whose problem it truly is before investing in a solution — the framing often changes when you name the real owner.
Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First - Build a positive problem orientation
Treat problems as normal, solvable challenges rather than signs of personal failure.
Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical - Exception Finding: When Is the Problem Already Less Severe?
Identify times when the problem was absent or less severe — these are evidence that solutions already exist.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy: Building On What Works - Rephrase the problem as a "How might we…?" question
Convert a problem statement into a question that invites solutions without prescribing them.
Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First - Define the problem precisely before solving it
Write a concrete, specific problem statement — most people try to solve vague problems.
Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical - Place it in the scale of the whole
Set your problem against the size of the universe and the brevity of all human time.
Meditations, as Marcus Practiced It
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
- I keep fixing the thing right in front of me and the same trouble just keeps coming back in a new shape, which makes me think I’ve only been swatting at the surface
- Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
- I’ve been killing myself trying to fix this, and it’s slowly dawning on me that the lever isn’t even in my hands
Related concerns
- Presenting Problem Vs Real Problem
The presenting problem is rarely the actual problem — this question cuts through to what really matters.
Ask "What’s the real challenge here for you?"
- Bring Solutions Not Problems
Identify times when the problem was absent or less severe — these are evidence that solutions already exist.
Exception Finding: When Is the Problem Already Less Severe?
- Focus On Solutions Not Problems
Solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT), developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg, directs attention to what already works — client strengths, past successes, and desired futures — rather than to analyzing problems. Meta-analyses report small-to-moderate positive effects across a range of presenting issues, with particular strength in behavioral problems and depression in adult populations.
- How To Know If Youre The Problem
Identify whose problem it truly is before investing in a solution — the framing often changes when you name the real owner.
Map who actually owns the problem
- How To See Problems Differently
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
Separate the person from the problem
- Ive Been Treating This Like A Problem Nobodys Ever Solved
Determine whether your problem is already solved elsewhere before investing in original invention.
Calibrate whether the problem requires invention or just search
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.